At the library, I received an invoice from one of our book vendors. Along with the invoice was a standard form letter, expressing this vendor's commitment to quality. The first paragraph made me laugh:
Enclosed please find an invoice, a standing order or backorder notification, or a receipt for payment received. You may already have the books or information products that you ordered. You can be confident that they are the very best of their kind in the world.
It made me laugh because, in essence, it says, "we don't know what service we provide for you, but we do it better than anyone else." Now that's what I look for in a vendor.